Vacation not a holiday
24th February 2018

CICCU launches ‘Garden of Eden’ May Ball

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In response to controversy caused by Hughes Hall’s ‘Forest of Sin’ May Ball launch, the Cambridge Inter-Collegiate Christian Union (CICCU) has announced that they will be holding their own May Ball.

The ‘Garden of Eden’ themed event will offer students a “Biblical alternative to the debauchery of May Week.” Students interested in attending the event will be able to secure tickets at a reduced price if they agree to be baptised in the Cam, while the optional extra of a dining experience – to be called ‘The Last Supper’ – will be available for £40 per heterosexual pair.

The event is set to occur on the 20th June in a secret location, to be revealed to ticket holders several hours prior by the appearance of an unusually bright star.

To ensure virtue is upheld on the night, Cambridge Union favourite Joey Barton will ask guests to confirm their virginity on entry. Once inside the ball, a free Bible will replace the traditional programme.

In a short speech at the Ball launch party, held in St. Andrew’s Street Baptist Church ‘next to Spoons’, CICCU Ents Officer Marcus Atherton expressed his excitement about the event.

“Our event promises to be the highlight of May Week. A travelling priest will be offering communion to those waiting in the queue, whilst guests who text a theological question to the Head of Catering will be able to secure a toastie.

“Guests will also have the opportunity to sample a heavenly selection of sweet-treats in a themed area, ‘Forty Days and Nights in the Dessert’, and there’ll be live exorcisms and Bible study sessions to look forward to.

“Look out for our totally silent disco, in which there is no music, only prayer. We’ll also be running a karaoke stand, featuring crowd favourites ‘Jerusalem’ and ‘Shine Jesus Shine’.”

The CICCU website also boasts of a fully-functioning ‘temptation garden’, complete with forbidden apples and workers dressed as snakes, in which a fig-leaf dress code will be recommended, but not mandatory. Attendees who give in to temptation will then be able to choose between confession or excommunication.

Meanwhile, CICCU President Emily Milton has denied claims that she demanded to be referred to as “Jesus” in meetings, in which all thirteen Committee members are understood to sit on one side of a long table.

“My disciples, I mean the committee members, are allowed to call me whatever they want to.”

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