29th April 2017

Clare May Ball theme changed from “Orient Express” to “Great Northern Service to Stevenage”

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The organisers were forced to adapt the theme after spending heavily to resolve the ticketing errors last week.

In a statement, President of the May Ball Committee Marcus Atherton, wrote: “Our new theme effortlessly showcases the functional glamour of modern rail travel. We proudly invite you to experience the luxury and charm of one of the best-loved locomotives since the dawn of rail travel: the semi-fast off-peak service via Royston.

“Stroll the platforms of Letchworth and Baldock, some of Britain’s most idyllic stations, or wander inside to experience all the sounds, sights and smells associated with rush-hour commuting.”

The updated Facebook event now reads: “Our aim is to celebrate this well-loved train service by providing an authentic Great Northern experience at just fifteen times the price. To this end guests can look forward to endless queues, constant delays and inadequate toilet facilities. Those buying first-class tickets can expect a complimentary seat and an inflated sense of self-worth.”

An email from Head of Ents Emily Milton gave more details about the event: “We have employed a special team of matronly trolley dollies to serve food and drink, which is being kindly sponsored by Greggs. Whilst we cannot reveal too much at this stage, lukewarm cups of tea and sweaty cheddar paninis are certain to feature.”

“We can, however, now announce that after some long negotiations we have managed to secure a fantastic band as one of our headline acts. Middle-aged barbershop quintet The Ticket Inspectors will be providing the dual function of light entertainment and strict document validation, so students are advised to keep their railcards with them at all times.”

It continued: “Students are asked not to visit the website to buy tickets in the coming days as we are currently setting up a complex doodle poll which we believe will be an appropriate replacement for the original system. However, in the unlikely event that the May Ball is cancelled, a replacement bus service will be offered to take you to the Jesus College May Ball.”