Vacation not a holiday
14th December 2017

Drinking soc alumni bemoan low death count at initiations

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Alumni of The Lambshaggers drinking society this week voiced concerns that not nearly enough people have died at recent initiation ceremonies.

“I was one of only three who survived mine,” said Marcus Atherton, addressing a handful of former members at the annual reunion.

“My best mate John just about made it but even he lost his leg in a bear trap during the obstacle course.”

Anthony Coates, the current president, defended this year’s initiations in which just two prospective recruits drowned in a swimming pool filled with WKD.

“It’s not my fault they’ve got such good lung capacity. At least I’ve done better than last year. We only had one fatality in 2014 and that guy was already a wimp. He was cannon fodder, literally.”

Chairman of the alumni club Cameron Bridgeworth, famed for having zero new members successfully initiate during his tenure as president, called for tougher initiations in light of the recent poor performance.

“Cambridge is full of softies nowadays. I used to make my new recruits jump off the roof of King’s chapel, that really separated the men from the boys. I remember one second-year survived the jump but forgot to yell our motto on the way down so he was disqualified immediately.”

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