23rd June 2017

Students plunged into despair as iDiscover replaces LibrarySearch

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The university’s decision to switch library search engines has caused unprecedented levels of panic and grief amongst students at Cambridge, with tensions rising since iDiscover’s implementation at the start of term.

Second-year classics student Emily Milton said: “I’ve been looking for an original text of Plato’s ‘Republic’ for a week but every time I go on iDiscover I break down and end up watching an entire series of Gilmore Girls instead. This has completely disrupted my harmonious routine of drinking red bull, crying all day, and writing essays at 4am the night before they’re due.

“Also, my boyfriend dumped me the day after they took LibrarySearch away, there’s no way it’s a coincidence.”

History student Timothy Bainbridge said: “I don’t think I can take much more heartache, I’ve only just finished grieving the loss of Camtools and now this. They’d better not touch Hermes or I swear to god I’m dropping out.”

In the wake of the change, Cambridge officials have faced accusations of failing to take into account the effect on students’ wellbeing. Marcus Atherton, JCR welfare officer at Jesus, said:

“This shows yet again that the university doesn’t care about us. Students are already distressed enough by changes to the location of their pigeon-hole, the day the bedder comes or their lecturers’ facial hair. For many, a new way to search the library catalogues is something they may never recover from.”

The university has declined to respond to the criticism or the increasing popularity of the online reactionary campaign ‘#dicksoutforlibrarysearch’