Vacation not a holiday
18th January 2018

The Tab accused of plagiarising nursery children’s writing since 2009


The Tab has been accused of plagiarising the works of children aged three to five since the online newspaper’s inception 8 years ago.

The news comes just days after former editor-in-chief Sachin Parathalingam was fired from the university news site for plagiarising a Financial Times article.

Emily Milton, a teacher at St. Mary’s nursery, said: “I stumbled across this Tab website by accident and couldn’t believe what I found. All of the incoherent nonsense I deal with on a daily basis was being published online with a few words changed. One of the children’s tantrums about how she hated bananas had even been turned into a weekly column on life in Cambridge. Each week they had just substituted the word bananas with one of ‘bicycles’, ‘supervisions’ or ‘tourists’ and reprinted the tantrum word-for-word.”

Ten-year-old Tara Lamp, one of the alleged victims of plagiarism, said: “When I was five I wrote a list of the ‘super-duper coolest kids of red class’ and now I hear The Tab made my idea into an annual competition. It’s infuriating. And don’t get me started on my classic quiz: ‘Which SpongeBob Squarepants character is your booger?’”

Another accuser, four-year-old Marcus Atherton, said “I wrote a note which called Sarah a lot of bad names, like poophead and smellyshorts, because she is, but then the Tab copied me and just changed Sarah’s name to the University of Cambridge. It’s really not fair because the world needs to know the truth about Sarah. I just think it’s childish of the Tab, and they should be made to sit in the corner like I had to.”

The Tab released an online statement today in response: “We are currantly [sic] reviewing the situation but to suggest that plajerism [sic] has occurred simply because one or two common phrases have been repeated is ludicrous. It’s time to stop pretending that these nursery skool [sic] kids invented the English language.”

In related news, the Financial Times writer whose writing fell victim to plagiarism has since resigned from his position, saying: “Once I found out my article was up on The Tab for over an hour without anyone noticing it didn’t belong there, I knew I wasn’t cut out to be a journalist. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life and it’s time to reflect on what went wrong.”

Meanwhile Parathalingam has reportedly been approached to become head of Melania Trump’s speechwriting team. When asked if he was considering the position, Parathalingam responded: “Melania Trump is smarter than many people think. She is a wonderful woman who SUBSCRIBE TO READ MORE. ALREADY A SUBSCRIBER? SIGN IN HERE. ©”

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