Vacation not a holiday
18th January 2018

Trinity College vows to improve access ‘by letting in more tourists’

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Trinity has launched a new access scheme after admissions data showed it gave more offers to private school applicants than any other college between 2010 and 2015.

Head of Admissions Cameron Bridgeworth said: “We are fully committed to improving the access situation at Trinity and that’s why we’re now counting all tourists as students. I am proud to announce that in the first few days of this scheme we’ve seen numbers skyrocketing.

“Only yesterday a group of state school students from somewhere north of Warwick visited the college and we’re confident this will have a direct impact on the admissions stats.”

Bridgeworth was eager to point out what else the college is doing to address the concerns. “People from disadvantaged backgrounds will be even more attracted to Trinity now that we have set our entry fee at just £9, which represents a 1000% decrease in tuition fees compared to our current students, even if you have to re-pay it every time you enter college.”

In a statement, the Master of Trinity College, Cecil Jones, said: “I am proud to be in charge of the only Oxbridge college that is truly pushing for equality and justice on admissions.

“After Horatio, Pericles and Tarquin, Access is my middle name. Just this morning I ordered the Great Gate to be opened, although the barbed wire, boiling oil and archers will remain in place as a minor precaution.”

Many steps have also been taken to improve access for disabled applicants. Trinity College Student Union President Emily Milton said: “We just put ramps everywhere. Literally everywhere. Staircase? Now a ramp. Student’s bed? Now a ramp. Indoor dry ski slope? It’s still a ramp. The place is basically a skate park right now. Disabled students are going to love it.”

However, in a statement, Marcus Atherton, Head of Admissions at King’s College, said Trinity’s scheme was ‘too little, too late’.

“For decades we have been striving to redress the balance of privilege in our student body. At King’s we give our students the confidence to re-define themselves as working class as soon as they get here, regardless of where they’re from.”

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