Vacation not a holiday
24th February 2018

Trinity Fellows Defend Rainbow Flag ‘Erection Problems’

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After failing to fly the Rainbow Flag for the start of LGBT+ History Month, Trinity College has denied allegations that it is not interested in LGBT+ rights.

When asked why the flag was not being displayed on the College flagpole, Master of Trinity Cecil Jones, speaking from his diamond-encrusted office chair, cited financial and logistical difficulties.

“Though we already own a rainbow flag in storage, our butlers failed to find it while exploring my vast catacombs. In the last year alone, we’ve lost five freshers down there.

“Though we’re a well-endowed college, if you get what I mean, we couldn’t afford the delivery costs of buying a replacement via Amazon Prime. The only remaining option was to print one, but unfortunately our financial resources only allow us to print in black-and-white. Furthermore, due to staffing costs, we were only able to fly this black flag at half-mast.

However, despite the claims made by Trinity as to why the Rainbow Flag wasn’t flown, many students believe the antiquated beliefs of the College Fellows may have contributed to the decision. One Fellow is understood to have sent an email to students saying that, while the College was “coming from behind” on this issue, they feared that flying the flag would be “going in too quickly to be comfortable” for the college.

“We are all incredibly old,” he added, “and if I die in the next month, I don’t want a rainbow at half-mast. Anyway, sodomy is much less fun when it’s accepted.”

The College Dean, meanwhile, suggested that flying the Rainbow Flag would mean money spent on providing closets in student bedrooms would go to waste, and added that it was feared that the popular Trinity Cottaging Society wouldn’t be able to “feel the full thrill” if the College was to openly show support for LGBT+ rights.

In a statement released on social media, Marcus Atherton, Trinity JCR LGBT+ Officer, expressed his dismay at the College’s actions.

“At every avenue, we have been met with stiff resistance by College. Our Bursar said that he would not allow a flag to be flown from the pole, but would instead ‘put it up the back passage’, but this simply isn’t good enough.”

“It’s time College stopped being so anal about this and dragged themselves out of the nineteenth century.”

 

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