23rd June 2017

University tells Homerton students to Deliveroo themselves to lectures

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Following the controversial decision to reroute the uni4 bus away from Homerton,  Cambridge University officials have announced an exclusive partnership with Deliveroo, encouraging students to get themselves to lectures by riding in boxes on the back of bicycles delivering food across the city.

“This revolutionary move proves once again that our University is at the cutting edge when it comes to improving students’ lives” said University spokesman Cameron Bridgeworth. “Now Homerton Students won’t even have to pay £1 for the bus like they did before, the only small cost is sharing the box with the occasional pizza or chicken burger.”

“We are an environmentally-conscious university and are proud that this move will see students dismissing the gas-guzzling bus in favour of carbon-neutral bike rides. We can only hope that we are the first of many universities to implement a Deliveroo-oriented transport system.”

HSPS student Emily Milton was part of the University’s trial run of the new scheme:

“I went into town a couple of times via Deliveroo during the trial period. The first time, some girls at John’s had ordered a Wagamama’s, which was great as it made it smell really nice in there. However, the journey was quite bumpy and I was disappointed to find chicken katsu curry spilt all over my newly-finished essay on cultural appropriation.

“It was an exciting alternative to the bus at first, but by the end of the week I was sick of finding mozzarella in my hair and gherkins from Byron burgers in my folders.”

The move comes in the wake of an online petition protesting the change of the uni4 bus route, which has garnered over 1000 signatures. Homerton JCR President, Marcus Atherton, voiced concerns about the University’s new scheme:

“Homerton students feel let down by the decision and many of us feel that, because of our location away from the centre of town, we are not being listened to. When I called the University welfare team about the difficulties this new arrangement will present, they just said: ‘Go Deliveroo yourself.’ and hung up. I’m not even sure what that means.”

Protesters argue that the scheme is particularly unsuitable for disabled students, with those unable to comfortably fit into a Deliveroo box still unable to get to their lectures. When asked to comment, Bridgeworth said:

“We understand that Deliveroo is not viable for 100% of our students and that’s why we’re also offering subsidised hourly wheelbarrow rides from Homerton to the city centre.”