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16th May 2022

Varsity Ski Trip Sells Out Faster than Economics students

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Students from an array of Oxbridge colleges were left disappointed this morning after tickets for the annual Varsity Ski Trip sold out faster than a supposedly “ethically-minded” Economics student applying for a management position at Amazon.

For many at Cambridge, failing to secure a ticket for every insufferable wanker’s favourite winter bonanza will be their first experience of being turned down, outside of Cindies’ smoking area. “The Oxbridge lot have to learn that they cannot always get what they want,” explained a recent Durham graduate.

As eagle-eyed commentators have noticed, this is now the second time an organisation named Varsity has caused widespread disappointment in the last week, taking into account the publication of the latest edition of Varsity newspaper. No relation is known between the two organisations, but rumours abound as to a recent meeting  held between senior figures from both parties, during which the prospect of a fruitful joint enterprise in dissatisfying the student population was discussed. Adding the 5,000 people who could not get tickets to the Varsity Ski Trip to the 8 people who read Varsity, an estimated 5,008 students could be affected by any potential collaboration between the two groups.

Camfess and Ticketbridge have seen their forums inundated with the devastating testimonies of those unfortunate enough to miss out on a ticket. One unlucky Trinity student complained to The Porter’s Log: “My time at Cambridge has gone downhill rapidly, which – incidentally – is something I am now unable to do this Christmas.”

A Varsity spokesman, however, was quick to point out the wide range of alternatives available to the student body, stating: “If people are so upset about not being able to travel 20 hours for underwhelming parties with private-school kids, they could just go to Robinson instead.”

Please send in your stories about the heartbreak you are currently experiencing for a chance to feature in next week’s column: Why do bad things happen to good (and wealthy) people?