Michaelmasochism
18th October 2017

Shots Fired: Israel and Palestine Societies hold football match

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The annual inter-society football match between the Cambridge Israel Society and the Cambridge Palestine Society was a lively affair once again this year.

Full of flair, passion and the occasional violation of international law, it was a match that had the crowd on the edge of their seats for the whole 90 minutes.

Even before the game started, tensions were high as the Israel Society squad took the decision to situate players in the Palestinian half of the pitch before the whistle for kick-off was blown. Despite the captain’s impassioned claims that God had promised them both areas of the ground, the referee was not convinced and implemented the ‘Two Halves for Two Peoples’ strategy so that the match could begin.

The PalSoc players showed early signs of attacking intent, yet their number ten was penalised for diving in the area. With a clear run on goal and an opportunity to secure the stadium’s favour, he acrobatically jumped to the floor and blamed a ‘satanic Zionist conspiracy’ for his subsequent booking.

PalSoc took the lead in the second half, when their striker tunnelled through the Israeli defence and finished with an absolute rocket of a shot. IsraelSoc were quick to respond though, sending their entire team into PalSoc’s territory and scoring a goal that was a powerful display of disproportionate footballing force. The game ended as a draw.

Controversy followed in the dressing rooms too, with PalSoc receiving a mystery package from the Cambridge Iranian Society while the Israel Society squad found a cheque for $40 billion from the Cambridge American Forum to be spent on what they called ‘team security.’

The excitement will no doubt follow, as PalSoc will soon be submitting their formal bid to become full-members of the league which would be an upgrade from their current status as a non-member observer club.

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