CUSU President-elect Evie Aspinall has been roundly condemned for failing to deliver national and international change since she was elected to the post on Friday evening.
Varsity has denounced the president-elect as ‘normal and non-radical’, arguing that she was elected almost entirely on the basis of voters ‘playing the system’ by only voting for candidates who they wanted to win.
“Her so-called ‘policies’ are also deeply damaging to CUSU’s identity,” complained one student hack in an opinion piece. “CUSU takes pride in being boring, cliquey and irrelevant, and that’s how it should stay. The people who voted for Evie are wrong!”
Meanwhile, an in-depth data-driven Varsity investigation has revealed that up to a third of students who voted in the election are set to leave Cambridge at the end of next term in what they describe as a ‘mass-exodus in protest at Aspinall’s election’.
Cambridge Zero Carbon have also condemned Evie, highlighting her failure to bring about total divestment across the University in the last four days, as well as her continued use of Oxygen and production of Carbon Dioxide, which the society claim shows “blatant disregard” for climate change.
Former Mayor of London Ken Livingstone has also waded into the discussion, accusing Aspinall of inefficiency.
“Now, I’m not saying I agree with everything he did, but if you look at someone like Hitler, he got a tremendous amount done in a very short space of time. I’m not necessarily saying they were good things, but you can’t deny his efficiency.”
CUSU were too busy recounting votes to issue an official statement, but Marcus Atherton, a close friend of several of the current Sabbatical Officers, took to social media to express his concerns.
“We all heard Aspinall say ‘Thank you’ to the people who voted for her – she basically admitted it’s a popularity contest!”
“Not only has Aspinall failed to pay off every students’ tuition fees, she’s made no effort at all eradicate the government’s Prevent strategy, or even to end capitalism.”
When asked whether he was concerned by the fact that Aspinall had not tried to break into his offices once over the weekend, University Vice-Chancellor Stephen Toope, who hails from Canada, declined to comment.