21st July 2024

Leavers’ Hoodies Dazzle at Fashion Show


Cambridge University’s Annual Charity Fashion Show has proved an immense success once again after it celebrated one of the most daring fashion trends to ever hit the city: the leavers’ hoodie.

For the occasion, no expense had been spared. The bespoke artificial polyester of each hoodie had been meticulously woven from scratch by a prodigious team of malnourished Burmese orphans, and rumour had it that the night’s finale, an electrifying display of white privilege from an Old Etonian, had cost over £40,000 per year to put on.

Adopting the tantalising, coquettish manner of a zit that just won’t pop, the show began with a sumptuous demonstration of the iconic hoodie’s versatility. Whether as the purveyor of comfort for a hungover member of the college rugby team in his 9am lecture on macroeconomics, or as an easy-going piece of evening-wear for that one arsehole wearing flip-flops at dinner, its irresistible charm and glorious elegance shone through in equal measure.

The next act consisted of a slightly more sentimental, in-depth look at the precise symbolism surrounding the hoodies themselves. The more thought-provoking segment of the evening, audience members were invited to consider questions such as ‘why did they choose black if I voted for green on the Facebook poll?’, ‘what does it mean to have one’s name printed in poorly-justified font crammed into the curved edge of the number 6?’, and of course, ‘why the fuck did I pay £25 for this?’

As a touching tribute to the hoodie’s pioneering role in paving the way for other terrible Cambridge fashion trends, the show concluded with a visceral, immersive parade of elephant pants, Cancun backpacks, Chilly’s bottles, college puffer jackets and baseball caps (worn indoors). It is reported that the audience loved to see it.