8th December 2023

The Porter’s Log template cover letter


Concerned about the future? Struggling to attract employers’ notice? Or perhaps just bricking it at the prospect of having to function outside the Cambridge Bubble?

Well, fear not, finalists – just use this handy template, courtesy of the Porter’s Log, to help you craft a successful cover letter!

Dear [Sir / Employer / Mum]

I am writing to ask to be considered for a position in your [insert sell-out London-based graduate scheme in consulting / law / the City here].

I have always been [passionate / interested / indifferent / horny] about this field, and I believe I have the skills and experience to be highly successful at [insert firm pretending to be concerned about diversity and the environment here].

Academically, my performance demonstrates the [exceptional work ethic / blind luck / lack of social life] which I would bring to this position. I would also like to take this opportunity to brag shamelessly about my grades, whilst name-dropping Cambridge and failing to sound humble.

As well as highly arcane knowledge with no real-world application, my degree has taught me a set of key skills transferable to [insert specific office-based mind-numbing workplace here]. I am skilled at [meeting / negotiating / missing] deadlines, can grasp [new concepts / how to get by doing the least work] quickly, and I reference like a champion. Additionally, balancing my academics with a range of other commitments has enabled me to develop a [healthy/ efficient / non-sleep-based] ability to manage my time.

These other commitments make me highly suitable for this position. My ability to make decisions under pressure, perfected on Tinder, is second to none. Furthermore, I [actively participate in / attended once / know of] the Cambridge Union, while my commitment to waking at 6am and jumping into a small boat on a cold river demonstrates I have just the sociopathic tendencies needed for a high-pressure [Magic Circle / Bulge Bracket] job. However, I am most proud of my writing work for the Violet section of Varsity, particularly my article Does RumourBridge Perpetuate a Cycle of Fake News?

Attached is a list of previous work experience. These positions which I [successfully applied for / asked my uncle to sort for me / lobbied my private school friends’ parents for] have given me vital experience in this field.

I look forward to your [reply / rejection letter / utter indifference].

Yours faithfully,

A desperate and panicked third year.

And remember: if all else fails, there’s always the management fourth year!