In a sternly-worded note sellotaped to the Senate House, students have called on the University erect a ten-foot statue of Vice-Chancellor Stephen Toope so that they can pull it down.
The move comes just days after as many as eight self-declared ‘radical’ HSPS second-years attempted to storm Old Schools in a bid to confront Toope over his role in the ongoing dispute over staff pensions.
CUSU’s Acting Deputy Assistant Sabbatical Officer for Revolutionary Affairs, Tara Lamp, has expressed her support for the move and claims to have ‘enjoyed’ participating in strike action so far.
“It’s just like my favourite film, Billy Elliot. All that time I spent practising how to yell ‘scab’ in a generic northern accent hasn’t gone to waste. We want to show how seriously dissatisfied we are – and that’s why we’re demanding the university spend a couple of million on a giant effigy of Toope for us to pull down.”
In response to the dispute, King’s College JCR is understood to have mobilised its ‘Che Guevara Freedom Fighter Grant’ for the first time in several years. The grant is understood to allow students to participate in industrial action without the costs, by funding colour bombs, flares, and roll-up cigarettes for students attending protests.
“It’s high time that these wealthy, entitled, privileged white men answered for their wealth, privilege, and entitlement,’ commented Horatio Dunlop, a recipient of the grant and alumnus of Eton College.
“My au-pair’s father’s au-pair was involved in the miners’ strikes; I’m here to carry the torch for my family’s long history of civil unrest.’
“After they said we weren’t allowed to storm the building, which was fair enough because it was office hours, we didn’t really know what to do. But I made my mark: I stood on the lawn for at least 35 seconds before security asked me to leave.”
In the aftermath of the raid, Toope – who is Canadian – responded to the protests.
“I’m prepared to meet the protestors halfway and build a gigantic statue in my honour, but at this time I cannot condone its demolition.”
“The funds to construct the statue will be taken from the staff pensions budget, but the students involved have expressed support for this, as it will allow them to be ‘even more radical’.”