16th June 2024

Boris’s Two Ronnies interview


On Radio 4’s PM, Eddie Mair told Boris Johnson that his interview was not a Two Ronnies sketch in which he was allowed to give an answer to the previous question. But what if it had been?

Mair: Do you prefer being called Boris or Foreign Secretary these days?

Boris: Good afternoon, Eddie.

Mair: And who will be the next Conservative leader?

Boris: Oh, definitely Boris.

Mair: Michael Gove betrayed you. You’re planning on imminently betraying someone aren’t you?

Boris: Well, obviously it’s Theresa May. That’s the only option at a time like this.

Mair: The endless repetition of condescending mantras harmed your election campaign, didn’t it?

Boris: Nonsense. What we need now is strong and stable leadership.

Mair: How much did you claim the NHS would get a week post-Brexit?

Boris: Look, no one during the campaign said anything that was not 100% true.

Mair: How many lies have you told in the last 24 hours, specifically about Brexit?

Boris: 350 million.

Mair: We’ve run out of time…