21st February 2024

£350m promised to NHS spent on fairy lights for Boris’s bedroom


Downing Street has tonight been forced to deny that the £350m promised to the NHS after Brexit by the Leave campaign has actually been redirected to a redecoration of Boris Johnson’s bedroom.

The Prime Minister, 56, has spent the equivalent of 39,000 student loans on the interior overhaul, with at least half of the funds lavished on fairy lights and succulents. Carrie Symonds also chose to repaint the sitting room of No. 10 in new season Farrow and Ball, choosing the shade ‘broken promises blue’.

Boris has faced allegations that Tory donors have channeled their funds toward the redecoration instead of more traceable donations to the Conservative party. Part of their handout was spent on a big Waitrose shop for Boris before he moved into his new digs, with the remainder being spent on a mini fridge and pool table for the basement.

Boris’s interior style has been described as ‘eclectic’, with the prevalence of Polaroids indicating a man obsessed with self-image. Downing Street has also denied that Tory donors chipping in for the overhaul were rewarded with PPE contracts.