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29th June 2022

Hitler refuses to stop speaker doing impression of drunk Cambridge Union President

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Critics have slammed Adolf Hitler for refusing to intervene while a speaker did an impression of the Cambridge Union’s drunken President.

The impression, which featured a great deal of hateful language, was performed by a Varsity journalist during a rendition of Wagner’s Fehlerhafte Türme, Op. 13.

In a message to the Great Dictators group chat, subsequently leaked on Camfess, Benito Mussolini wrote: “I’m still shocked and hurting after last night. It’s unbelievable that Adolf Hitler failed to stop this speaker from making light of a grotesquely arrogant figure like the Cambridge Union President.” An anonymous source has exclusively revealed to The Porter’s Log that Franco ‘angry-reacted’ and Goebbels left the chat following the message.

A former ally of Hitler, Reinhard Heydrich, said: “I’ve always stood by Adolf, but this is one step too far.”

In his reply to the group, Hitler remarked that he had not even chaired the debate, and was just one among 404 other attendees: “Frankly, I’ve always hated shrieking, bombastic speeches. As a long time reader of The Porter’s Log, I appreciate risk-taking humour where I can find it.”