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27th November 2022

New university plans for student mental health: ten sessions of ‘mindlessness yoga’ a day

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With JCRs clamouring for more pastoral support from colleges and many students requesting to return to Cambridge on a welfare basis, the Porter’s Log can reveal the wide-ranging measures set to be implemented across the university this term.

Twenty-nine out of thirty-one colleges are offering free ‘mindlessness yoga’ to their students as their sole new token welfare programme, alongside the tutor system which has worked so well thus far throughout the pandemic. The only colleges to opt out of the welfare measure are St. John’s and Trinity, as they claim to already promote mindlessness institutionally. 

Joe Wicks, set to speak virtually at the Union this term, praised the University’s plan: “There’s nothing better than regular exercise for mental health, which can be especially helpful in resolving study space issues, poor broadband, and difficult home environments. This will revolutionise student welfare – who needs library access when you can down-dog for free twenty times a day?”

The SU has criticised the measure, suggesting that whilst students can split screen the online yoga sessions with their Zoom lectures, their £9,000 tuition fees might have been better spent plugging its yawning budget deficit.