NUS President Malia Bouattia faced criticism this week for describing Birmingham University as “something of a Zionist outpost”, but received praise today from Birmingham Elders of Zion (BEZ), a shadowy Zionist group.
Speaking from his underground lair, Marcus Athertonstein thanked Malia for her comments. “Frankly we’re just delighted that Malia has brought some much-needed attention to our cause”, he said.
“Up until now we have found it difficult to manipulate the global economy, control the media and prevent the second coming of Jesus because we didn’t have the recognition that we so desperately needed.
“There has simply been no balance in the media coverage. Last year, when Fox News described Birmingham as a stronghold of Islamic terrorism and a ‘no-go zone for non-Muslims’, we weren’t even mentioned.
“Thankfully, Malia has put this right. She has established beyond doubt that the city of Birmingham is an outpost under our strict control, and for that she has our everlasting gratitude.”
However, ISB (Islamic State of Birmingham) operative Khameron al-Bridgeworth criticised Malia for her “offensive” comments.
“We’re very concerned about Malia bandying about terms such as ‘Zionist outpost’ and ‘Zionist-controlled media’. We’ve been working diligently to turn this place into a jihadi stronghold but now she has mucked it all up by publicising our enemy’s cause.
“Yes, admittedly Fox News did the hard work for us by spreading news of our cause worldwide, but we have also done a lot ourselves. We have been working alongside our esteemed colleague Katie Hopkins to raise our profile, and are also planning to replace the Great British Bake Off with the Kaliphate Kebab Off. Sadly Malia has put all our hard work in jeopardy.”
The debate comes as the ongoing turf war between BEZ and ISB in Birmingham intensifies, with both sides now competing with Illuminati agents, the Chipping Norton set, communist guerrilla fighters, the European Union, and a race of alien lizard people for control of the West Midlands city. Barack Obama recently declared neutrality, his allegiance torn between the Illuminati and the jihadists, while Jeremy Corbyn was spotted last week firing an RPG into a group of British troops in the city.
The mayor of Birmingham, Emily Milton, said: “To state that Birmingham is a ‘no-go zone for non-Muslims’ is missing the point. Birmingham is a no-go zone for everyone, regardless of race or religion.”