Following the vote on a university shift to plant-based products, Cambridge students were left shocked upon discovering the Student Council do, in fact, exist. Now, the Cambridge Secret Student Union (CCSU) has come under controversy…Read More
This week, the world looked on with a mixture of disgust, pity and amusement, as that couple who spent the whole of first year waking your staircase up with their creaking and moaning argued about…
After Varsity is voted Cambridge’s biggest joke in the SU elections, the Porter’s Log brings you the only news worth trusting: The greatest controversy of the election season was the referendum on a reading week, namely the…
Second-year engineers across the university have this month been celebrating Three-Eighths of the Way Hall. The event is not to be confused with the more typical Halfway Halls also slated for mid-Lent. Instead of reminding…
CUSU has criticised Russia for its significant use of fossil fuels as part of its attempts to invade its neighbours. In a league table drawn up by CUSU, the Russian army ranked even lower than…
The Gardenia’s Instagram account has been removed after posts claiming that Gardie’s food is ‘delicious’ and ‘nutritious’ violated the platform’s community standards on disinformation.
We sat down with Cinderella, a second-year lawyer at Emma, in Caffe Nero on Sunday to find out whether the Law Ball was really as bad as Camfess is making it out to be.
In a desperate attempt to present itself as something other than a wannabe tabloid rag dependent on clickbaity, quasi-pornographic drivel to attract readers, the Tab has launched a new ‘Elf on the Shelf’ competition to…
A first year student eager to make inroads in student politics REALLY wants you to click ‘going’ to the Facebook event advertising their run for a JCR committee position.
1. I can’t go to the cinema without seeing his face: Out of the current films playing at the Arts Picturehouse, Timothee is in two of the three films currently playing. Why can’t I enjoy…
Inspired by the Cambridge Globalist’s recent foray into restaurant criticism, The Porter’s Log asked Trinity student Marcus Atherton for his reflections on the city’s gastronomic scene.
Cambridge University has intervened in the debate over renaming the Seeley Historical Library by claiming that the current name is nowhere near offensive enough.
The loveable motley crew who run The Porter’s Log have ended their strike after CUSU experienced solidarity shortages.
The loveable motley crew who run The Porter’s Log have voted to strike after Facebook data revealed that no-one reads our shit. ‘It seems that self-satisfied jokes about the Footlights no longer amuse the average Cambridge…
Critics have slammed Adolf Hitler for refusing to intervene while a speaker did an impression of the Cambridge Union’s drunken President.
A lack of sufficient teaching space has forced the Land Economy faculty to continue online lectures into Lent term, leaving many wondering whether the department has taken the term ‘land economy’ far too literally.
To view our SPOOKY Halloween Special Zine filled with ‘hilarious’ Footlights ghost stories, terrible costume ideas, and frightening grammatical inaccuracies, click here. Alternatively, do something useful with your time. Whatever. We don’t care.
Last week, after Jesus College agreed to return the bronze Okukor bronze cockerel to the Royal Court of Benin (located in Nigeria, not Benin), a service of Thanksgiving was held in the College Chapel. After…
Students from an array of Oxbridge colleges were left disappointed this morning after tickets for the annual Varsity Ski Trip sold out faster than a supposedly “ethically-minded” Economics student applying for a management position at…
Inspired by Varsity’s recent forays into the art of journalistic auto-fellatio, outgoing Vice-Chancellor Stephen Toope, who is Canadian, reflects upon love, life, and queueing for Pret in a letter to his fresher self.
A fresher at the University of Cambridge has begun legal proceedings against his college after he was left with no choice but to attend a ‘harrowing’ 9am matriculation ceremony the morning after a robust drinking…
Stephen Toope, Vice-Chancellor of the University of Cambridge, has announced that he will be stepping down from his position following a long, targeted campaign for accountability from The Porter’s Log. The so-called ‘PLog’ has long…
Parents accustomed to hauling carrier bags full of useless shite up and down the country for their children will now have the chance to profit from their experience, after the government passed new legislation qualifying…
In an impassioned speech today, Gareth Williams told university vice-chancellors that their obsession with so-called ‘cancel culture’ undermined their efforts to improve education quality.
Following the news that 44.8% of all A-level grades awarded this year were A* or A, the University of Cambridge has unanimously elected to move to its own grading system in order to ‘provide an…
Following Senior Deputy-Pro-Vice-Co-Assistant-Chancellor (Education & Spiritual Astrology) Graham Virgo’s email regarding complaint procedures, we are excited to bring you a very important message from our partners at PLog Lawyers:
As the SU prematurely congratulates students on finishing their exams, many start to wonder how far their emails can see into the future:
LEAKED: the familiar-looking first question on Monday’s Economics paper, exclusive to The Porter’s Log
Dear Petreans, It is that time of year when a passer-by might catch the waft of wild herbs from the balconies of St. Peter’s Terrace, and when the daffodils in the Deer Park (bereft of…
The Porter’s Log staff and writers would like to issue an apology in relation to the recent article concerning the Cambridge Union.
Correction: the original headline of this article was ‘Marcus Atherton is a nasty piece of work’, which has since been retracted.
Following scandal at the Union and reports of a CULS Garden Party black market, one student is convinced that it must all be linked somehow:
Correction: We have taken the independent decision to retract all reference to Stephen Toope and his frequent phone calls and dinner parties. Clare College, a normally friendly and welcoming college suffering only occasional bouts of…
Following the announcement of his divorce from Melinda, his wife of 27 years, Bill Gates wastes no time getting back on the market by signing up for a RAG Blind Date:
After a year of Zoom social after Zoom social, Cambridge’s distinctive drinking society population was on the brink of extinction. Sodomy is harder from home, and shouting “up the boys!” at a parental figure doesn’t…
After the revelation that Boris Johnson’s personal phone number has been publicly available online for the past 15 years, a source at Number 10 has leaked his inbox to The Porter’s Log:
Following its victory over the nation’s joint-favourite German discount supermarket chain, Marks and Spencer’s crack legal division have been scrambling to lay waste to more beloved retailers after their destruction of Aldi.
With dissertation submissions moving to Moodle this year, the traditional Instagram flex of ‘student beside ugly brutalist faculty with 10,000 words of bullshit’ is no longer possible. So how can finalists celebrate completing two weeks…
As the BBC receives a record number of complaints over its coverage of Prince Philip’s death, one student analyses the worrying concentration of bovine faeces recently
After the revelation of the second coming of Fez as MASH, there has been much celebration in the city of Cambridge today – yet more jubilation is required. Cindies, saviour of nights out and bringer…
Gemini, a cryptocurrency platform that is the ‘principal partner’ of this year’s Boat Race, has today announced the release of ‘Boatcoin’, a currency directly tied to the intensity at which rowers boast about their latest…
LEAKED: The Porter’s Log has obtained an exclusive early copy of Vice-Chancellor Toope’s latest email, in which he issues a number of pressing corrections to mistakes that had previously gone unnoticed:
Following the recent announcement of the 2021 Academy Award Nominations, outrage has struck the Cambridge film and theatre community at their lack of recognition.
Downing Street has tonight been forced to deny that the £350m promised to the NHS after Brexit by the Leave campaign has actually been redirected to a redecoration of Boris Johnson’s bedroom.
A Part IIA student representative is said to be ‘ecstatic’ after driving a hard bargain in negotiations and successfully changing her faculty’s stance on student demands for exam mitigation measures from “fuck off” to “please…
The epidemic of open letters has spread further, with the cow population of Cambridge coordinating to lobby the city council to reverse their decision on the cows’ location.
The Porter’s Log has obtained an exclusive copy of Graham Virgo’s latest missive, which clarifies the university’s ‘safety net’ package of mitigation measures.
The Porter’s Log has obtained an exclusive copy of the university’s plans for ‘halfway hall from home’.
Trinity College has today announced that its recent decision to halve bursary support for students not in residence at the college was necessary to raise funds for a heavily discounted purchase of Bicester Village.
The Porter’s Log can exclusively reveal that Cambridge suffers from a scandalously under-appreciated diversity problem.
With JCRs clamouring for more pastoral support from colleges and many students requesting to return to Cambridge on a welfare basis, the Porter’s Log can reveal the wide-ranging measures set to be implemented across the…
With the EU’s ongoing row with British-Swedish pharmaceutical firm Astrazeneca threatening to jeopardise imports of Pfizer vaccine doses into the UK, the government has today sought to downplay concerns by insisting that it already has…
The Girton Spring Ball Committee have announced that the theme of this year’s ball is ‘Hindsight’.
CN: Terrible writing and a weak premise that goes on for much longer than should.
The Porter’s Log has obtained an exclusive copy of Graham Virgo’s latest virtual missive in advance of its distribution.
It’s Monday morning, and the Tab’s Best Bums 2020 has just announced its winner.
In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that the Christian Union is behind the disappearance of Darwin’s seminal notebooks.
Cambridge modern languages students currently on an imaginary year abroad will now receive the additional privilege of ‘imaginary freedom of movement’ in the EU after 1st January, the UK government has today announced.
The Cambridge SU has announced it is launching a campaign to ‘Defund the Porters’, after the university administration announced a windfall for the college-based Porter Force.
In a year full of surprises, none was less eagerly anticipated than the return of the print edition of The Cambridge Student, the newspaper equivalent of the human appendix.
“Old Trafford just doesn’t have the history of Oxford Road. You know Girton 2nds beat ARU 4th XI here to avoid relegation in 2003? Incredible.”
The government’s recent decision not to extend free school meals to starving children during the half term has provoked anger and disappointment among many.
The University of Cambridge has denied that its student population is excessively privileged after an exposé revealed students had been offered gold-plated nasal swabs.
As the university community struggles to get to grips with life under COVID-19, many students are being told to self-isolate after becoming exposed to carriers of the virus.
Coronavirus measures which include keeping University libraries well-ventilated, while slowing the spread of the pandemic have left students facing new challenges, particularly the cold.
A spectre is haunting Cambridge, and it’s the spectre of Overnight Guest. Who is he?
Reports have reached the Porter’s Log of a tunnel dug underneath Emmanuel College, as students attempt to smuggle in overnight guests under the nose of the ever-watchful porters.
Amid college preparations for students’ return in late September, Cambridge’s Department of Geography has quietly moved the ‘girlfriend from home’ to its endangered species list.
Sith Lord Darth Vader has become the subject of a galaxy-wide race row.
Churchill College has today announced that the entirety of its campus will be placed in a giant cardboard container for its own protection.
Following the news that non-essential shops will be allowed to open from Monday 15 June, Fitzbillies have announced their innovative new plans to adapt to current circumstances.
Boris Johnson has today announced that the latest step in the government’s plan to combat the ongoing coronavirus epidemic is, in fact, the recent spell of dreadful weather.
With May Week effectively cancelled, many students have been grieving the loss of the Balls, June Events and garden parties that usually mark the end of a busy academic year.
Dominic Cummings has this week taken a chance on Coronavirus after being spotted by neighbours grooving to a selection of Abba classics in his parents’ garden.
Education Secretary Gavin Williamson has announced a range of new measures to ensure parent-provided education is on par with the government system.
A furloughed man in his mid-thirties has found fame after mistakenly joining a Zoom-based beauty pageant, which he subsequently won after the contest’s judges were bowled over by his ‘bold’ and ‘daring’ entry.
Stephen Toope has been forced to admit that the university’s ‘Global Gloom’ scenario involves a bloody, arena-based fight to the death inspired by Suzanne Collins’s best-selling young adult trilogy The Hunger Games.
As COVID-19 continues to cause significant disruption to second year linguists’ plans, the Faculty of Modern and Medieval Languages has today announced that its students are entitled to an ‘imaginary year abroad’.
Disney’s Club Penguin says its servers have crashed after reporting a sudden surge in traffic from Cambridge drinking societies seeking to take their Caesarian Sunday celebrations online.
While most of us are still getting used to life in lockdown, staying indoors is nothing new for one group of students.
The NHS yesterday received a welcome boost when a number of Cambridge colleges donated unsold reserves of college-themed clothing to help ease shortages of personal protective equipment.
Amid the ongoing COVID-19 crisis, Cambridge University has this week revealed a wide range of alternate assessment methods for its students.
Researchers studying COVID-19 have today discovered that the virus poses a particularly deadly threat for student relationships, with those in the vulnerable category ‘long distance’ most at risk.
With the coronavirus pandemic driving more and more people to their computers, some 6,500 former adult entertainment stars have agreed to return to work to help relieve ‘mounting’ pressure on pornographic websites.
Cambridge’s Ballare nightclub has turned itself into a supermarket to ensure its doors can remain open for as long as possible.
The Cambridge Centre for Mathematical Sciences has announced today that all examinations will be held on MyMaths.
A group of battle-hardened, revenge-driven mercenaries, led by Canadian Vice-Chancellor Stephen Toope, have today lifted the Old Schools occupation after a short but ruthless covert operation left the protestors decimated.
Cambridge University’s Annual Charity Fashion Show has proved an immense success once again after it celebrated one of the most daring fashion trends to ever hit the city: the leavers’ hoodie.
Regional carrier Flybe has been saved from liquidation after it confirmed it had accepted a last-minute rescue bid placed by Flylo owner Omar Baba.
Senate House has today announced that the so-called ‘Solidarity College’ will become The University of Cambridge’s newest official constituent college.
The Chief Medical Officer in England, Marcus Atherton, today issued a statement suggesting that Covid-19 may actually have started as a particularly nasty bout of freshers’ flu.
Timothy Bainbridge-Stewart sheds light on the silent struggles of Cambridge’s posh minority.
After a spate of late entries were submitted for consideration, Cambridge University’s ‘worst fuck-up’ awards are set to be a more closely-fought contest than ever before.
The University of Cambridge have this week announced a stronger stance against striking lecturers, with a baseball-inspired ‘three strikes’ rule to be implemented against any academic staff members who choose to support UCU’s industrial action.
Extinction Rebellion’s week-long climate protest has taken an unexpected turn after its activists inadvertently unearthed a vast oil reserve lurking beneath Trinity Lawn.
Week 5 has hit leading lights of the Premier League Manchester City particularly hard.
Cambridge’s much-loved Orgasm Bridge has finally spoken out, 60 years after its erection in 1960.
With RAG Blind Dates now in full swing, one hopeful singleton remains confident that his exemplary academic record will be enough to earn him a second date.
Phillip Schofield has made the news yet again this week, following a stint at the decks of one of Cambridge’s most popular nights out, Glitterbomb.
The Church of England has today yielded to pressure to bring its views more into line with modern values.
Concerned about the future? Struggling to attract employers’ notice? Or perhaps just bricking it at the prospect of having to function outside the Cambridge Bubble?
After much anticipation, the NFL and Pepsi have confirmed that JLo, Shakira and the Cambridge Bin Man will be headlining the Super Bowl halftime show this afternoon.
Following rising speculation, Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle have this week announced their plans to spend a year abroad in Canada.
US-Iranian political tension remains at an all-time high after a RAG blind date between President Trump and Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei ended in tears.
The University has announced it will be scrapping its standard admissions interviews in favour of a thirty minute grilling by the BBC Politics Live presenter Andrew Neil.
With UCU’s ongoing strike action, the impending general election, XR, and JCR and Union hustings all competing for headlines in Cambridge over the last week, one student has found his loyalties tested to the absolute…
Jesus College has found itself embroiled in a Secret Santa scandal, after its gift to Nigeria was revealed to have belonged to Nigeria all along.
Lectures participating in UCU strike action have praised alcohol, club nights, and drinking societies for encouraging students to miss lectures.
Students across Cambridge have expressed their disappointment at the news that the Varsity Ski Trip will relocate this year from Val Thorens to the North Pole Fair on Parker’s Piece.
The University of Cambridge unveiled its new intermission policy this week, in partnership with RAG.
The Oxford Union have today sent a carrier pigeon to press offices across the country apologising for violently removing a blind student from his seat during a debate.
As part of an ongoing dispute over pay and pensions, striking lecturers at the University of Cambridge have voted unanimously to begin a course of co-ordinated missile strikes on the university.
RON, the perennial election runner-up, is considering a legal challenge after being excluded from the TV debates for the upcoming general election.
To help stressed-out students get through Week 5, Cindies will host an audiobook club night aimed at facilitating students’ study on a night out.
Zero Carbon yesterday took their campaign against global warming to new heights, as a student activist handcuffed herself to a firework in protest at the wanton pollution precipitated by Bonfire Night.
The Prime Minister, who was yesterday ‘booed out’ of Cambridge’s Addenbrooke’s hospital, today insisted that the NHS was just sending him off with seasonal goodwill.
Chart-topping musician Dua Lipa stunned students across Cambridge on Monday by coming out in favour of the proposed ‘New-SU’ student union merger.
Trinity Hall has today announced that it will readmit the Bubonic Plague to the college following an extended period of probation.
Students at King’s have expressed relief after news that the ‘interloper’ said to be roaming the college has been successfully stopped by four van-dwelling teens and a Great Dane.
Childline has today issued a stark warning to college parents across the university after logging a dramatic increase in calls pertaining to ‘College Parental Neglect’.
In his address to the Union earlier this week, Bill Gates pledged part of his considerable fortune to the fight against freshers’ flu.
Cambridge University has apologised after it agreed to host anti-feminist group ‘Justice for Men and Boys’ on the Sidgwick Site, confessing that it thought the group were proprietors of male hair brand ‘Just for Men’.
Inspired by the beautiful game, any exam student with extra-time who still fails to finish their paper will be taken to penalties to determine the outcome.
Cambridge University Labour Club have today announced the appointment of Chairman Mao as honorary vice-President, as a replacement for Alastair Campbell.
For the first time in Cambridge’s history, behind-the-scenes details about the highly secretive organisation of exam invigilators have been revealed.
Murray Edwards’ Senior Tutor, Dr Kate Peters, has been criticised after circulating a survey which was supposed to be about college accommodation – but instead focused more on the contents of her own wardrobe.
The craziest week of Cambridge University’s 800 year history culminated in six deaths, a disgruntled US veteran eloping with a local BDSM act, and an involuntary field trip to the Hague.
David Attenborough has this morning expressed extreme concern for the future of drinking societies in Cambridge after experiencing the festivities of C Sunday.
University students have reacted with shock after new figures revealed iDiscover displaced Google as the most visited search engine in 2018, with 1.3bn monthly users compared to Google’s 1.1bn.
After realising that the Varsity Boat Race will be taking place on the same day as his human evolution supervision, MPhil student James Cracknell has been sent into a panic.
Following the cancellation of Robinson May Ball, it can finally be revealed that controversial rapper and Fyre Festival founder Ja Rule was working on the Ball committee.
That terrible time of year is upon is. Over the next few days we will all say goodbye to the blissful Cambridge bubble and return home.
For seven terrible days, the lecture sites of Cambridge were haunted by CUSU candidates, endless manifestos, and an ever-present banshee-like wailing of “have you voted yet?”
Plato’s famous island city had evaded discovery for over 2,500 years by hiding in the West Wing of the UL, one of the last truly unexplored areas on Earth’s surface.
A major upset is rumoured to be on the cards in CUSU’s Presidential Election after a Sainsbury’s meal deal emerged as a late third candidate for the role.
A huge increase in CamCard use has crashed the local economy, according to the Faculty of Economics.
As Cambridge basks in a February heatwave, climate change activists have found themselves grappling with the concept of enjoying the weather despite it providing a worrying sign of the state of our planet.
The University of Cambridge is actually a front for a vast Ministry of Defence psychological research centre to test reactions to stress and overwork, it has been claimed.
Pembroke College has suspended one of its tutors, Dr. Stephen Parsley, after it was revealed that he hit a student in a desperate attempt to find something to talk about at their end-of-term meeting.
A Cambridge nightclub photographer is one of the early contenders to win the Natural History Museum’s Wildlife Photographer of the Year, it has been suggested.
The St Catharine’s College JCR has announced it will stop providing sexual health supplies to its members in a drive to cut down on single-use plastics.
Students have reacted with shock after leaked documents revealed that RAG Blind Dates is actually a front for a PhD experiment studying the mating habits of mathmos.
Proletarian revolution has gripped King’s College after the results of an internal referendum revealed the majority of students wanted the Soviet flag removed from the college bar.
After attempts to fund security measures on the US’s southern border were blocked, President Trump has declared a national emergency to fund the construction of a giant Trinity Porter.
As Valentine’s day approaches and hordes of sexually repressed Cantabs embrace the seasonal struggle to find a partner; in the name of charity, alcohol and sin, Marcus Atherton brings you straight to the action.
A Corpus Christi student has claimed that he was simply trying to curry favour with his supervisor, Dr Victoria Bateman, after being caught naked in another student’s room by a College Porter.
The Cambridge Union resorted to violence to prevent Brian Blessed from visiting as planned last Friday, a cache of leaked emails has revealed.
After ‘accidentally’ misinterpreting CUSU’s new Green Week initiative as a tribute to former BHS owner Philip Green, the Master of Clare College has nonetheless hailed his college’s commitment to the event.
We have already seen the government stockpiling food, mass-buying fridges and beefing up border security – but what steps has Cambridge made so far to deal with the challenge?
A Pink Week Committee Member who auctioned off a date with themselves for charity has responded with disbelief after their company was valued at only a single pound.
The Master of Corpus Christi has today condemned the Zero Carbon Society for failing to cause “permanent enough” damage to the clock.
After weeks of speculation, Cambridge City Council has unveiled their innovative solution to the problem of the Pembroke Crossroads: a bypass through the college itself.
The University of Cambridge today announced the relaunch of the Management Studies Tripos as the ‘Corporate Arse-Kissing Tripos’.
Under mounting pressure to pay human staff the living wage, several Cambridge Colleges have announced plans to invest in robotic porters.
University of Cambridge Vice-Chancellor Stephen Toope will be a late arrival on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, ITV bosses have announced.
Builders working on renovating Bodley’s Court in King’s College have applied to study at Cambridge in droves after realising how little work students actually get done.
In a dramatic turn of events at the Cambridge Union on Tuesday night, boxer Manny Pacquiao knocked out Liberal Democrat leader Vince Cable in the middle of the Chamber.
Varsity’s investigatory team can reveal that nobody gives a shit about NUS elections.
Inspired by Facebook’s hiring of former Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg, the University of Cambridge has brought in Tim Farron to run Hermes Webmail.
Following a spate of criticism concerning its access policy, the University of Cambridge has announced plans to open a new College for ‘immature students’.
A new “I don’t want to work” Careers Fair has received the highest turnout for any careers event in modern history, with queues reaching around the Kelsey Kerridge Centre.
The government has declared a state of emergency over this year’s Freshers’ Flu outbreak, described by some as ‘the worst epidemic to hit Britain since the Black Death’.
Following criticism of its decision to house students in Bunkabins, Murray Edwards has announced a new ‘build your own room’ scheme.
St John’s College have offered political asylum to members of the Crescents, the male Drinking Society at Trinity Hall, after it was forced to disband.
The Daily Mail have confirmed that Marcus Atherton, their Middle Eastern correspondent, has been reassigned to Jesus Green to provide exclusive coverage of Caesarean Sunday.
Hospitals and student bedrooms would be among the venues used for productions while the ADC Theatre undergoes refurbishment.
CUSU President-elect Evie Aspinall has been roundly condemned for failing to deliver national and international change since she was elected to the post on Friday evening.
In a sternly-worded note sellotaped to the Senate House, students have called on the University erect a ten-foot statue of Vice-Chancellor Stephen Toope so that they can pull it down.
CUSU has defended itself against allegations of censorship after it was revealed that dozens of students had been imprisoned in the Union’s offices for breaching election regulations.
Following revelations that its student bar workers are paid just £2.50 of Sainsbury’s vouchers per hour, Newnham College has announced an eye-catching overhaul which will see volunteers offered the chance to earn ‘magic beans’.
The University of Cambridge has responded to the wave of strikes plaguing the university by replacing lecturers with whoever the loudest person in that lecture is.
After years of complaints from students about the stress caused by the lack of a mid-term reading week, the University has announced proposals to replace ‘Week Five’ with ‘Week Four+’.
In response to controversy caused by Hughes Hall’s ‘Forest of Sin’ May Ball launch, the Cambridge Inter-Collegiate Christian Union (CICCU) has announced that they will be holding their own May Ball.
King’s College has confirmed the city centre busker who plays the guitar loudly while shut inside a Cambridge City Council bin will take over as director of music.
In response to accusations that its June Event theme ‘Solstice’ appropriates and misrepresents pagan beliefs, Trinity Hall has announced changes to its plans in order to more faithfully portray and celebrate Wicca practices.
Following criticism of high room rents, Robinson College has announced proposals to offer a set of new ‘Value Deluxe’ rooms in the Porter’s Lodge.
Just days after the postponement of his visit, the Porter’s Log can reveal that Pelé actually threw himself down a flight of stairs in a desperate attempt to avoid appearing at the Union.
The president of the Cambridge Zero Carbon Society has been forced to resign following revelations that nearly one fifth of his body is made of carbon.
The English Faculty has announced plans for the creation of a new “Humanities Bridge”, following recent criticism of the domination of the Cambridge bridge scene by STEM subjects.
In what has been hailed as a landmark decision, the University of Cambridge has decided to allow intermitting students to visit the city if they wish to do so.
Churchill College fresher Marcus Matherton has left scientists shocked after he failed Alan Turing’s renowned test to determine whether a machine could exhibit normal human behaviour.
Just weeks after Saudi Arabia began allowing women to drive, the Pitt Club has confirmed plans to admit female members in a bid to make their unique selling point, hating the poor, more accessible.
Cameron Bridgeworth, the Provost of King’s College, claims he killed two cows on the College Backs in order to stop them polluting the environment.
The so-called Islamic State has claimed responsibility for making students wait for hours to enter nightclub Kuda last night.
Students all over Cambridge have given up all forms of alcohol after reading an email from a Queens’ fellow, which was sent to Natural Sciences freshers.
Trinity has launched a new access scheme after admissions data showed it gave more offers to private school applicants than any other college between 2010 and 2015.
Calls have been growing across the University for a ban on puppy therapy sessions for students after revelations that several dogs have been traumatised.
Ridley Scott, the critically-acclaimed director of Alien, made the surprising announcement last night.
The planned closure of the ADC from April to October 2018 is part of “a bold and experimental” six-month play, the theatre said today.
Facing criticism for his £365,000 p.a. salary, Cambridge’s new Vice-Chancellor Stephen Toope has claimed it is crucial he out-earns his Oxford counterpart Louise Richardson.
Cash-strapped newspaper The Cambridge Student has launched its own alternative to the Varsity Trip in December.
As a fresher architecture student, my first few weeks at Cambridge have been rewarding but admittedly confusing.
It has been revealed that Boris Becker, who was declared bankrupt in June, was invited to give yesterday’s talk after qualifying for the Union’s scheme for disadvantaged people.
The Dean of Churchill College has apologised after a picture of Churchill College was printed on programmes for a freshers’ welcome service.
The Ryanair boss announced that non-members will be able to attend a number of Union events for free this term as part of its new Ryanair+ scheme.
Marcus Atherton will begin life as a student this week, the first person in his family ever to attend Cambridge University.
Following criticism for hosting a conference by ‘Christian Concern’, Sidney Sussex has sought to calm growing tensions by inviting ISIS to hold a week-long conversion course.
That terrible time of year is upon is. Over the next few days we will all say goodbye to the blissful Cambridge bubble and return home.
The university has today announced a new scheme promoting public sexual activity as a way to relax during Easter term.
Trinity has drawn widespread condemnation as leaked satellite images appear to show missile silos under construction on college grounds.
CUSU finances are in turmoil after the committee allegedly fell for a scam email from an untraceable address in Nigeria.
The Lib Dem candidate for Cambridge has announced he will throw a one-off event ahead of the general election in June.
The University of Cambridge is the best place to study on this side of the Milky Way, an independent body has found.
After the announcement that Daisy Eyre will take over from her college father as CUSU president later this year, a student claiming to be Doku’s college son has declared himself the rightful heir.
A sense of unshakeable anticipation has gripped the nation this week, as millions have either stayed home from work or made the pilgrimage to Cambridge city centre itself to witness political history in the making.
After an intense term of crying, phoning home and binge-eating JCR-supplied chocolate, many Cambridge students were saddened to discover they had only achieved half-blues status during Week 5.
The Cambridge Inter-Collegiate Christian Union has claimed responsibility for the rock thrown into a Cell and Developmental Biology lecture last week.
Peterhouse has announced a new ballot system in which students with 2.2s will have to live in a large segregated encampment.
We kept up with Cambridge students’ attempts to find love with complete strangers in the charity event of the year.
Kevin Price, candidate for the Labour Party mayoral nomination in Cambridge, has unveiled a manifesto based on his trademark brand of ‘Porter Politics’.
Amatey Doku has told students not to fill out the National Student Survey in order to increase his chance of winning an iPad offered in the university’s prize draw, it has been revealed.
Cambridge degree classes will now be decided based on a combination of third-year exam results and students’ total Nectar points.
We kept up with The Prince of Wales yesterday during his visit to mark the 600th anniversary of the University Library and the bicentenary of the Fitzwilliam museum.
You’ve sent in your submissions and we’ve chosen the sexiest digits to display, now it’s time to settle once and for all who has the best thumb of 2016.
Tutors have responded to increasing pressure to show compassion within the intermission process by sending students home using a twenty tonne medieval trebuchet.
Just days after CUSU came under fire for its NUS award application, The Porter’s Log has gained access to a letter sent from the union to the Nobel Committee in Norway.
It’s that wonderful time of year again. That time when we find out once and for all who has the sexiest opposable flesh rods in Cambridge.
In her first press conference as not-the-president-elect, Hillary Clinton publicly condemned the Cambridge liberal intelligentsia for failing to win her the US Presidential election.
Sidney Sussex officials have announced their decision to rename the college after Andrew Smyth, who graduated in 2013, made it to the final of the hit BBC show ‘The Great British Bake Off’.
Recruiters from Hell, the market leader in eternal damnation, have arrived in Cambridge to sign up ambitious students for their corporate summer internships and graduate schemes.
The university’s decision to switch library search engines has caused unprecedented levels of panic and grief amongst students at Cambridge, with tensions rising since iDiscover’s implementation at the start of term.
A scandal has erupted this week as Cambridge Vice-Chancellor Leszek Borysiewicz was found in bed with photographs of Oxford colleges.
Following the controversial decision to reroute the uni4 bus away from Homerton, Cambridge University officials have announced an exclusive partnership with Deliveroo.
This year’s celebration has been an unparalleled success, with more attendees than ever experiencing record levels of misery from October to June.
First the Independent, now TCS – what next for print journalism?
NUS President Malia Bouattia faced criticism this week for describing Birmingham University as “something of a Zionist outpost”, but received praise today from Birmingham Elders of Zion (BEZ), a shadowy Zionist group.
In a controversial move today, the former Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has gone back on his promise that his university appearances would be free for students to attend.
On behalf of the Proctal Examiners, may I remind students that public displays of celebration or happiness after examinations this year will not be tolerated.
Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe, the head of the Metropolitan Police Service, has publicly commended Queens’ College for cracking down on some of the country’s most impenetrable ghettos.
When the Jewish Society’s Prince of Egypt-themed Ball failed to live up to expectations last night, theology student Moe Zez demanded that the organisers let his people go home.
Trinity College has announced that a referendum will be held in June to decide whether the college will become independent of the University.
At the hustings last night, the four presidential candidates battled it out to prove who could best ensure CUSU remains the ineffectual organisation it has always been.
The Archbishop has condemned the recent move by the Emmanuel College Students’ Union (ECSU) to permit same-sex college marriage.
ArcSoc has expressed anger that last week’s event at Homerton, which led to the cancellation of future bops, was a direct copy of a party they had planned for the end of term.
In a highly anticipated speech, George Osborne today announced the creation of the Sugar Baby Financial Plan, which will help disadvantaged students attend university, after the abolishment of maintenance grants.
The organisers were forced to adapt the theme after spending heavily to resolve the ticketing errors last week.
Hundreds of Cambridge students taking part in the RAG Blind Date event on Tuesday made it to second base in the name of a good cause.
Students sparked a furore last weekend after a charity fashion show at the Corn Exchange descended into a hedonistic evening of sexual anarchy.
At The Porter’s Log we know Week 5 can be a teensy-weensy bit stressful so we have put together this cutesy little listicle of comfort foods to help you get through it.
Professor Sir Leszek Borysiewicz, revealed this week to be one of the highest spending university Vice-Chancellors in the UK, has announced that he will refrain from staying in penthouse suites until Easter.
University officials have announced that the length of full-term will be reduced from eight weeks to eight days with immediate effect.
The awarding of an honorary degree to UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon last week was dependent on his performance in an entrance exam, it has emerged.
The Churchill College Admissions department has expressed dismay after Google maps updated their Streetview function to allow users to see inside Cambridge colleges online for the first time.
The old Norwegian Politician-Cambridge College joke is a fairly common one but we thought we would answer it once and for all!
First-time reviewer Tara Lamp says the ADC’s experimental late-show is the best thing she has ever reviewed
ISIS terrorists have claimed responsibility for planting the object, originally believed by workmen to be a bomb, which led to the evacuation of the rail station this morning.
After a vociferous student campaign, St John’s has waded into the Cecil Rhodes debate, offering to be the controversial statue’s new home.
EXCLUSIVE: Tab journo Finn McRedmond has been nominated for a prestigious Pulitzer Prize after a heroic undercover mission to expose the shocking influence of the CUSU drug cartel.
Join The Porter’s Log for an exclusive live feed of the annual gladiatorial bedlam that pits applicants against each other for a final chance to make it into the hallowed halls of Cambridge.
After unearthing a Bronze Age settlement in Cambridgeshire last week, archaeologists in the city-centre have made another discovery, believed to be the site of an antiquated, draconian university.
Students across Cambridge are in shock as record levels of misery have swept through colleges just two days into term.
A new film will explore the carefree, idyllic years the former British National Party leader Nick Griffin spent as an undergraduate at Downing College in the late 1970s.
A group of male students at Trinity has called for a special male-only breakfast to be held to celebrate men’s admission to the college in 1546.
The leader of Our Grade, Our Choice has spoken of her struggle to persuade the University not to publish her consistently high grades.
The University is taking new measures to keep students off the grass by drafting in a team of military specialists to plant landmines under college courts.
The Cambridge University Atheist Union has announced plans to kick students in the privates as they leave Cindies in a bid to attract new members.
Alumni of The Lambshaggers drinking society this week voiced concerns that not nearly enough people have died at recent initiation ceremonies.