A new “I don’t want to work” Careers Fair has received the highest turnout for any careers event in modern history, with queues reaching around the Kelsey Kerridge Centre.
Overwhelmed by a rising sense of existential panic, finalists flocked to the event, which featured stalls from a wide variety of different sectors aimed at enlightening work-shy students on their options post-graduation. Attendees were treated to talks from Management students, CUSU Sabbatical Officers, and alleged Canadian Stephen Toope, who explained the role of Vice-Chancellor to a group of enthralled students.
The event followed on from the success of last week’s “I don’t want to work in the city” careers fair, and third-year English student Marcus Atherton was among those in attendance.
“I haven’t used the careers service before, because I’ve always tried to avoid thinking about the prospect of ending my three years of procrastination and actually taking responsibility for myself and entering the real world.
“I worried that there were no careers that would respect my inability to get anything done, but it turns out this is exactly what most universities are looking for in a Vice Chancellor.”
Many of the stalls offered free gifts to entice people into various careers, the trust-fund babies handing out a sense of entitlement, to the snowballing debt stall handing out free credit cards like they were candy. Representatives from the world of organised crime, meanwhile, encouraged students to join their mailing list by simply writing down their CRSid, College, bank card number, security code, PIN, and mother’s maiden name.
One particularly popular stall offered students the chance to sit in a bath full of ice, with those who agreed to have their kidneys removed there and then winning a £5 Amazon gift card, in an attempt to destigmatise selling one’s organs on the black market.
The event was only the latest in a series of popular careers fairs advertised on the Michaelmas termcard, with other crowd favourites including ‘I don’t want a career, I only want the free pens’, ‘Careers in Careers Advice’, and ‘I just want to make money and nobody is going to get in my way’, which was heavily attended by members of the Cambridge Union committee.