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1st December 2022

Drinking societies crash Club Penguin on C Sunday

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Disney’s Club Penguin says its servers have crashed after reporting a sudden surge in traffic from Cambridge drinking societies seeking to take their Caesarian Sunday celebrations online.

Explaining his society’s decision to use Club Penguin, Timothy Bainbridge-Stewart, president of the Eddie’s Eagles drinking society at St. Edmund’s, cited its suitability for initiations. “There are scores of gullible candidates to pick from, and if you’re struggling to find anyone that’s got good chat, just change servers – it’s as easy as that. Obviously, there’s also the added advantage that you don’t get portered if you’re being too loud and, best of all, when all of the messy stuff is done and you want to go clubbing, the nightclub here has no queue whatsoever and is open 24/7. In all honesty, we’re considering making this move permanent.”

The online medium does not come without its caveats, however. “The only real problem with Club Penguin is that anyone can report you for something you’ve said,” stated Pitt Club member Horatio Dunlop. “It just doesn’t feel the same having to be held accountable for your actions and not being able to do what you like with impunity.”

Whether this marks the beginning of a monumental paradigm shift for drinking society culture or merely a temporary adaptation to extraordinary circumstances, one thing is clear: Club Penguin has made an indelible impression on all those involved. Having recently spent £500 on in-game purchases, Bainbridge-Stewart feels a renewed affinity with his penguin avatar:  “Like me, my penguin will be able to enjoy a life of unfettered excess without having to lift a finger.”