“Old Trafford just doesn’t have the history of Oxford Road. You know Girton 2nds beat ARU 4th XI here to avoid relegation in 2003? Incredible.”
It’s a brisk morning at Fitzwilliam’s playing fields. I’m walking around its perimeter with Manchester United forward Marcus Rashford; he’s outlining his decision to push for a move to Fitz.
“I want to develop as both a footballer and an activist, and I believe there’s no better place in the world to do that than Fitzwilliam. Sorry, one sec – watch this,” he says, before placing a Deliveroo bag on the penalty spot and smashing it knuckleball-style into the back garden of a struggling family on Hoadly Road.
He smiles and power-slides towards the corner flag in celebration. At only 23 years of age, Rashford has already earned himself an MBE for his work on tackling child poverty – but the time has come, he says, to take both parts of his career to the next level.
How do you see a move to Fitz panning out?
“World-class in-swinging deliveries to the centre-forward on a Saturday morning; nutritious deliveries to deprived families in the greater Cambridge region on a Saturday afternoon. Maybe a Swedish-style meatball panini at Fitz buttery in-between – I hear the catering staff here do a great job.”
This would be seen by many as a shock move, right?
“Maybe, but it’s no impulse decision for me – Fitz has been a part of my career plan since pretty much day one. Look at the quality of the team – regular cup success, unmatched in their league, centre-backs who aren’t Harry Maguire… it’s a really special team.”
I think that’s your phone buzzing Marcus.
“Yeah sorry, I have to take this – it’s the Good Lad Initiative. I’ve decided to team up with them to eradicate toxic masculinity across the nation.” Off he ran, scissor kicking a pamphlet on Feminist Theory towards the Downing College Rugby Grounds.