25th September 2022

Plans Unveiled for New “Humanities Bridge” to rival Mathematical Bridge  


The English Faculty has announced plans for the creation of a new “Humanities Bridge”, following recent criticism of the domination of the Cambridge bridge scene by STEM subjects.

Commenting on the proposal, Head of Faculty Cameron Bridgeworth said “We have many very successful bridges in Cambridge, and each caters to different needs. The Bridge of Sighs caters to those suffering from existential crises, Clare Bridge caters to those looking to update their Instagram, and the Mathematical Bridge brings joy to the university’s engineers and mathematicians. Now it’s time to let arts students share in the delights of crossing rivers with the creation of the Humanities Bridge.”

“I’m delighted to be able to unveil these new plans just in time for Bridgemas, the city-wide celebration of bridges and viaducts.”

Plans released by the English Faculty show that the bridge will be made entirely out of social constructs. Head Architect Timothy Bainbridge said he was inspired by the everyday experiences of humanities students. “Just like the average arts student, this bridge will be very wavy. In fact, it’s going to be so wavy that we plan to hand out motion sickness tablets to those walking across it.”

Third-year classicist Marcus Atherton was delighted with the news. “Whenever I look at the Mathematical Bridge, and am forced to think about numbers and equations, I feel a little queasy. Now, with the Humanities Bridge, I will be able to cross the Cam with peace of mind. Like many of my essays, the bridge will look aesthetically pleasing but lack structure and a clear sense of direction.”

In a statement, the Head of Human, Social and Political Sciences, Cecil Jones, said he hoped the new viaduct would “bridge the gap” between an arts degree and the jobs market. “It will transport students literally, or possibly even figuratively, from the Sidgwick Site straight into the world of consultancy. In fact, I have so many visions for the bridge that my ex-wife recently asked me if I’d started taking LSD again.”

The social construction of the bridge is likely to begin in Exam Term 2018, a time chosen specifically for its ability to cause maximum disruption to students.