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16th May 2022

“Three strikes and you’re out,” warns Senate House after UCU begins second round of industrial action

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The University of Cambridge have this week announced a stronger stance against striking lecturers, with a baseball-inspired ‘three strikes’ rule to be implemented against any academic staff members who choose to support UCU’s industrial action.

Senate House have made it clear that the University has assembled a strong bench of lecturers, who are ready to take over from their colleagues should the number of strikes exceed the new limit. Given that lecturers are loss-makers, the University was considering letting the whole team go and filling the university with students, but this plan was scrapped due to the potential loss of research funding it would entail.

Stephen Toope – a known baseball fan whose Mii, steveytoopexD, recently rose to 3,169th on the Wii leaderboards – has pleaded with lecturers to end their strikes, which might finally allow him to reach third base. The number of lectures cancelled last minute has, however, allowed students to record a record number of home runs, further enraging the Vice-Chancellor.

When asked for her opinion on the upcoming strikes, Brenda, 65, a resident of Bristol, said: “Not another one?”