Lent 2020
Headline: lizard-like

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ADC playwright unsure how they still aren’t nominated for an Oscar
Following the recent announcement of the 2021 Academy Award Nominations, outrage has struck the Cambridge film and theatre community at their lack of recognition.
Careers Service extends help to recently unemployed breakfast TV hosts

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£350m promised to NHS spent on fairy lights for Boris’s bedroom
Downing Street has tonight been forced to deny that the £350m promised to the NHS after Brexit by the Leave campaign has actually been redirected to a redecoration of Boris Johnson’s bedroom.
Headline: good riddance
Dissertations these days…


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Student rep successfully lobbies faculty to change its stance from ‘fuck off’ to ‘please go away’
A Part IIA student representative is said to be ‘ecstatic’ after driving a hard bargain in negotiations and successfully changing her faculty’s stance on student demands for exam mitigation measures from “fuck off” to “please…

Image credit: Cambridgeshire Live. Licensed under CC-BY-SA 4.0.
Cambridge cows release open letter asking city council to reconsider rehousing decision
The epidemic of open letters has spread further, with the cow population of Cambridge coordinating to lobby the city council to reverse their decision on the cows’ location.
Headline: give us a break

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University clarifies exam mitigation measures: students to receive unlimited oxygen
The Porter’s Log has obtained an exclusive copy of Graham Virgo’s latest missive, which clarifies the university’s ‘safety net’ package of mitigation measures.
Headline: deadline?
Headline: keep trying!
Handshake job posting: Trinity porter

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University plans for ‘halfway hall from home’
The Porter’s Log has obtained an exclusive copy of the university’s plans for ‘halfway hall from home’.


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Trinity reveals bursary cut necessary to purchase Bicester Village at 40% off
Trinity College has today announced that its recent decision to halve bursary support for students not in residence at the college was necessary to raise funds for a heavily discounted purchase of Bicester Village.

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Shocking Porter’s Log investigation reveals only 49.6% of porters are called Steve
The Porter’s Log can exclusively reveal that Cambridge suffers from a scandalously under-appreciated diversity problem.
Leak reveals government policy influenced by more than just ‘Contagion’

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New university plans for student mental health: ten sessions of ‘mindlessness yoga’ a day
With JCRs clamouring for more pastoral support from colleges and many students requesting to return to Cambridge on a welfare basis, the Porter’s Log can reveal the wide-ranging measures set to be implemented across the…

Headline: remote prospects
Headline: supo scheduling

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As vaccine imports slow, government affirms its own range of little pricks is perfectly sufficient
With the EU’s ongoing row with British-Swedish pharmaceutical firm Astrazeneca threatening to jeopardise imports of Pfizer vaccine doses into the UK, the government has today sought to downplay concerns by insisting that it already has…

Headline: Frank Lampard exit

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Girton Spring Ball 2021 theme announced as ‘Hindsight’
The Girton Spring Ball Committee have announced that the theme of this year’s ball is ‘Hindsight’.
Fez: in memoriam

The Alternative Foundation Year timetable
Headline: rent strike on strike

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Dispatches from the front line: Camfess civil war rages on
CN: Terrible writing and a weak premise that goes on for much longer than should.
Headline: WWJD?
Official: advice on exceptional circumstances
Headline: giving up for Lent
Leaked email reveals Cambridge’s advice for Lent lockdown
The Porter’s Log has obtained an exclusive copy of Graham Virgo’s latest virtual missive in advance of its distribution.